I want to feel badly for you and go along with the pity you are feeling for yourself over all of this but the Husband and Father in me realizes that you have messed up the lives of 2 good men with your nonsense and are considering messing up the lives of your children as well.
The problem isn't Sam or Leo or the JW's ....the problem is your apparent inability to get past your romantic notions and see what's right in front of you.
You then allowed things to proceed with Sam even though you weren't actually attracted to him and believed at the time, it was wrong for you to have a boyfriend. You even expected him to join a religion you didn't quite believe in, yourself. Then you took up with someone else while he was jumping through all of your JW hoops. Wasn't Sam a lucky fellow to have found such a catch?
You allowed things to proceed with Leo even though you were separated from the wonderful Sam due to your initial indecisiveness and ongoing JW drama. Wasn't Leo (and his future children) a lucky fellow to have found you?
My kids are my everything and they come first. I don't want to do anything that hurts them. I'm so torn. My mind never stops. I'm so tired. I'm in a conflicting state of mind all the time.
Hopefully you'll realize that the inability to control your own thoughts (your emotional immaturity) is what's at the root of your problem. You have a great hard working husband that you seem to at least like a lot, a good life and kids you love and unless you stop entertaining these romantic notions about the past, learn how to control your thoughts and emotions and focus on what you have, you'd better fasten your seat belt cause' you're in for a very bumpy ride. Maybe that's what you want....a little drama to liven things up. Sometimes people who come from a chaotic background, don't feel comfortable when things are going well.